What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Especially a lifetime of it.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Thoughts on an 8-1 Rangers win - Lone Star Ball

(And it was in our own minds.)

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

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Comes on , in middle age.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

How do Flat Earthers explain time zones?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She wouldn,t have been !

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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

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Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I couldn’t, believe it.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

What are some cute stories with your crush?

I will be 64.

He knew the spot.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

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I said to her

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I have no regrets .

She married twice! .

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

What did i know ?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I was 9 years of age.

My family never makes their pension either.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I waited trembling.

I never cut or harmed myself..

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Who then, do I blame.?

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But, we were locked up after school.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

We were not on the streets..

I was seconnd youngest,

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I write beautiful poetry .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

My life is so biszare .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

And i lived it daily.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

So whats the point in blame.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Was to survive, this bastard.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I think the readers, may guess!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I was scared of men, in general

Would this be the day?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I don,t even have a pension.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

She found it foreign!.

She was in good health!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

It was going to be , some day.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

All the time i was locked up.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

As i do to all so called friends.?

This is soul school!.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Put me off passion for life!!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

We all went to grammer schools

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

When she asked me how she looked .

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

But it wasn’t much.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Im still living with it.

Ive learnt so much.

One cannot live in the past .

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

She loved him until the end.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I was very sick at this time too.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

So, i spoilt her more .

Where the ultimate outsiders.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

He resisted the act ,that day.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Why did i forgive my father ?

I could never make a relationship work though!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .